tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3344756347313581512024-03-12T20:54:23.811-04:00bekabugthings i think/stuff i do: the short versionbekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.comBlogger225125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-22783771631779042102012-05-14T17:10:00.000-04:002012-05-14T17:10:03.606-04:00The end(finals suck)All of this white space seems so serene to me. I don't want to fill it up and I don't think I have anymore things to say. I am almost done the worse rushed papers of a decade. Feeling like my references for my PHD have gone down the drain. *ackbekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-83025113108988561482012-05-07T21:06:00.000-04:002012-05-07T21:06:56.478-04:00through friendship...I went home last week.
and because my home is a mausoleum (and my mother a hoarder)
there were things that were posted on my wall from the 1992.
19 fucking 92.
There was this poster I ripped out from seventeen magazine...
I wasn't seventeen.
It was a 'how to' be a good friend. I ripped it out and put in on my wall...
I wonder what made me find that article important. I guess it touched bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-82221292338200117692012-05-01T15:37:00.003-04:002012-05-01T15:37:54.084-04:00Not Like Crazy...It would be an impossible task to encapsulate the inexplicable drag, drop, explosion of a fucked ass year this was.
This afternoon I was sitting in the computer lab chilling with my girl Shauna, whispering Jill...
what you do is crazy baby, not like you belong in an asylum, crazy baby, like sun in morning, i'm astounded by your love for me...
and I suddenly couldn't kick this flood bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-75624159752148158602012-01-08T23:41:00.002-05:002012-01-08T23:41:24.861-05:00The Endi have always loved endings. for me, logically, they signal rebirth. sometimes a love of endings causes me to yearn for them when things get a tickle in them. i work to stay in the dirtiest places now..at least until i know i'm not running - but transitioning. there is a difference, you know. here on this blog - i am prepared to transition. this blog has represented a will for me. it started as abekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-45093039663876896502011-12-14T17:44:00.001-05:002011-12-14T17:44:40.637-05:00Two more to go...finals suck. i think i don't care anymore. a pass is a pass??
then i can go home to this...for days and days and days (+beer+Ocho+bf+gym-stress)
bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-30989495518033155502011-12-10T23:08:00.001-05:002011-12-10T23:09:12.695-05:00lol - MMMMEEEEEeeEEEEEeeeeeethe school of social workby: molotovsky
bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-17872800227940026212011-12-07T10:18:00.001-05:002011-12-07T10:47:03.680-05:00times a wastingI have been razor focused on time.
When you don't have all you need, your vision narrows and tunnel vision lets you see nothing excepts those things relevant to getting you through to where you need to be.
A paper done, a bill paid, a meal cooked...
This weekend I walked into an urban outfitters.
My favorite place.
I know it isn't the PC place to like - it is a land of big box pretending bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-24498086450501199202011-12-04T22:42:00.001-05:002011-12-04T22:43:25.573-05:00stupid test...I took a dumb test about my best career choice...this is what it said.
You are a Persuader, possible professions include - entertainer, recruiter, artist, newscaster, writer/journalist, recreation director, librarian, facilitator, politician, psychologist, housing director, career counselor, sales trainer, travel agent, program designer, corporate/team trainer, child welfare worker, social bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-65035478286802086662011-11-28T18:50:00.001-05:002011-11-28T18:50:52.500-05:00oh yes!bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-4462572325181517082011-11-25T11:21:00.001-05:002011-11-25T15:57:55.622-05:00No Locking Posts!!I was devastated months ago when I finally realized that I couldn't lock posts...
It meant that in place of my funny date stories - there would be no funny bf stories. Stories just aren't as funny when you're held accountable, or could hurt someones feelings, and honestly it simply isn't fun knowing that it ends up being like a message etc...
So in response I've said nothing.
tre boring.bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-34788338003411627942011-11-20T19:57:00.001-05:002011-11-20T19:57:23.010-05:00on the agenda!bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-41279738568984604552011-11-18T14:48:00.001-05:002011-11-18T15:05:10.984-05:00A natural woman...Resource room thoughts...Go!
Aretha....check.
You make me feel. You make me feel like a . na.tur.ral. wo.man. You make me feel..like. a nat.ur.ral. woooman.
Dam. What does it feel like to feel like that? A natural woman? In this social moment - I guess we would have to take it to Lady Gaga's Born this way....
with certainty, that's not what Aretha was talking about. Now I know not to bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-82166157459352950432011-11-14T14:09:00.001-05:002011-11-14T14:17:13.943-05:00Ah well...Thanks Blogger.
You must be prescient. You somehow knew what I needed today was a reminder of how little I impact the world.
You were thinking to yourself "that dam bekabug needs a kick in the pants!"... show her how many people read her blog...*snicker*
4, on a good day. :)
y'all are all who matter to me.
Giggling...
bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-45560940257571574422011-11-12T16:45:00.001-05:002011-11-12T16:46:09.352-05:00that's it.
love this room. those callalillies are the spot.bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-55709448052311433522011-11-04T15:27:00.001-04:002011-11-04T15:27:56.270-04:00worldwhirlwindI'm chilling in the resource room bumping Al Green's Here I am baby...
(come and take me..take me by the hand)
Loving, loving what I'm doing. I don't normally say I'm lucky, or even worse, blessed. Mainly because I feel the presence of good fortune rests on a shaky foundation and if you bring attention to it it will fall - egg to concrete. Don't test it. Don't look forward to it. Don't expect bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-19627559935129601852011-10-25T13:51:00.002-04:002011-10-25T13:51:11.817-04:00
Why does my house look like this??? Sad...bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-51052261040706996142011-10-17T08:53:00.001-04:002011-10-17T08:53:26.481-04:00...black women stand up...bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-85822424793072387242011-10-14T12:31:00.000-04:002011-10-14T14:09:47.470-04:00My supervisor rocks!She is sadly out with a mysterious disease. We know it is serious but not life threatoning...I don't think I have ever been so curious about what is going on with someones health. I suppose she is my bff in my head and I am really worried...
So I am sitting at her desk today. I am totally uncomfortable sitting here as the children file pass and do the double takes when they see the black bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-57063031889014311842011-10-12T22:28:00.001-04:002011-10-12T22:28:28.936-04:00This is Not a teaching moment...There was a point today that was glorious only in its ability to shatter my calm. It was definitely after talking to my dentist. He says very matter of factually, destroying my entire afternoon, "it sounds like you need a root canal".
Really?
I'm not going to bother to ask how much. The best part was all the useless advice I got...the priceless one was my dad asking me bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-70830692561135815412011-10-06T16:42:00.000-04:002011-10-06T16:42:12.446-04:00Self Advocacy and shit...Finding our footing...that's the theme of this semester. I have been completely overwhelmed with the transition that I have gone through in the last 3 months. So I am in mid fall on a muddy hill.
To use a well trodden phrase, I am holding on with my fingernails and afraid to look down. I really feel that I am in the space where wiley has walked off the cliff and hasn't looked down yet. It'sbekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-22239701611910077042011-10-02T10:47:00.000-04:002011-11-18T15:10:55.515-05:00Human skin wallets?! Where can I get one? (at the mutters museum)
That is all I have from the Mutters Museum of Philadelphia. I have a deep sense that there is a clever parallel between my expectations of my trip to the Mutters museum and what actually happen and the turmoil and upheaval in my life right now - but I haven't been able to put my finger on quite yet, it keeps slipping right out of my line of sight and, frankly, I'm not looking quite that bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-55012372227809266382011-09-29T13:13:00.001-04:002011-09-29T13:13:06.567-04:00Omg, I cant....Really, why update?
By the time I press submit some other shit has happened. Uuuggghhh. Would you believe that I have to move again? Well, I don't have to but to reduce some stress from the limited budget I have to respond the stimuli...
Anyhoos, the new thing? Investing less of my sanity into my "space" and placing that wholeness in my mind....regardless of where I'm laying my head. Boy, I'm bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-62139893436605958532011-09-12T22:43:00.001-04:002011-09-12T22:43:07.969-04:00Complaints...I joined the stop complaining group today. I don't know why. It seemed like an interesting experiment. Kinda like a fish trying to walk - I really don't know what the hell I'm trying to do. Seems unnatural... I didn't want to ask 'what's wrong with complaining?' because it seemed like asking "What's wrong with doing drugs?" - like I'd be admitting I had a problem by admitting my ignorance.
What bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-29548985455980925482011-09-10T12:09:00.005-04:002011-09-10T12:20:03.352-04:00That way goes trouble...Yesterday was a scary day for me. It was one of those days when I fully felt my humanity. I mean that most days I go through the day fulfilling my duties to some degree, waking, washing, going to work, talking to people, filling out paperwork, hanging out out with my friends and spending quality time with Ocho. Whether or not I am going to die rarely comes up.
Yesterday I did not think I was bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334475634731358151.post-63285741860386527162011-09-09T07:11:00.000-04:002011-09-09T07:11:11.076-04:00Reflection on life changes...Yesterday morning I was razor focused on getting my honors, finding a professor who would mentor me, and dealing with my queer anxiety and it's random daily expressions in my days.
Last night, I only had three separate dreams about going into anaphalactic shock and having my breathing pathways shut down. Yep, I took my girlfriends emergency and projected my brand new legitamate fears bekshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12405114431408955071noreply@blogger.com0