recovery...a dream deferred

*Snif

I'm at home, not quite sick, but aware that there are tiny microscopic organisms staging an all out war on my cells...I always win though, this year more than others. My awesome doc tells me that the measure of your health is your ability to get over a cold...when you stop "recovering" then we have a problem....

*clear throat

Well now, recovery....
May I make a stretch of a connection, can you bear with me?

I am not recovering.

Last week I had cornel west standing next to me with his arms around my shoulders telling me to hold on and keep planting seeds - thats the work we do. Not changing people, but planting seeds...

Intellectually I get it, I know you know that, I've said it before...

But I end up trying to convince people to have compassion, to not call her a whore, to care about the poor... I don't mean some abstract 'what would jesus do' moment... but don't shut down Ms. X case for no reason (she won't receive her food stamps).... Don't kick Mr. X out of the program because you think he is dangerous (he will violate his parole)... Dont lie to Ms. Y, there are other things she can do besides maintenance work...

Oh and then to watch C-span and see Mr. Limbaugh say, upon reflection no less, that he hopes the president fails... We knew this was coming, that their very ideology demands that Obama fail in his efforts of equality...should he even remotely succeed it would mean the utter destruction of his base...

You know what? 52% of the voting public voted for Obama, I take that to mean that about 52% of people are standing up for right, are sane, don't believe that our president is a Marxist, a socialist, and isn't a citizen...

But that means that 48% of people are not standing up for right. They look at the choices and choose to follow Rush Limbaugh?!? That is a whole lot of seeds to plant...

and at this point I'm tired of trying to convince people to embrace compassion on a micro and a macro level. Do you know what it feels like to discover how many of those seeds need to be planted in your backyard...your own..house? I preferr to sit here in the dark on the couch watching Family court...well, right now its Ellen - watching her show is like being in the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory without all the didactic violence against the children...

Maybe I will recover tomorrow - uhm will someone check on me?!

Banks are evil...

In the not so distant past I have spent more money than I had available to me. Not on frivolous things - but things I needed - mostly. I was a young naive girl who hastily went to an expensive school, in an expensive city, in an expensive neighborhood and building where they only sold the absolute best in everything...food (ahh the markets of the UWS....), stationary, clothing - you name it, I can assure you it was the best...and the most expensive.

But, walking up to the JP Morgan chase with my tiny tiny work study check - which would allow me to hold my head up high as I walked my sale laden happily broke student butt back to my expensive apartment, in the expensive neighborhood, at the expensive school - I would find out that
"Hmmm you cannot cash your check because you owe us money AND you can not cash that check here until Thursday if you are not going to put it into your bank account", said the mean teller lady.
She continued, "If you put it into your bank account we will take it because you owe us money. "

I am very aware that that was a long heavy sentence and that is how my life felt in that moment - long and heavy.

There was such a feeling of disdain coming from behind that thick Plexiglas. A damming judgement of having mismanaged my money. And more precisely to JP Morgan Chase, the larger crime of having so very little to mismanaged in the first place. There was a time when I had unknowingly overdrawn my account and they charged me 30$ for each subsequent swipe of my card...10$ at Duane Reade (30$), 5$ bucks at Starbucks(30$).....all 4 of them....

And so when I went to put my tiny check in the back I was forced to first have 120$ in fees given to the bank in repayment.....

Having been held so roughly, so quickly, so finally accountable for my innocent actions I am steaming quietly but consistently at the idea that these banks would knowingly and by design do the same thing with little or no consequence for their actions. To read that they woo and market tax shelters with the sole purpose of keeping rich people, with more than they deserve, from paying their fair share to the government, to us, to me is a crime of such immense portions, an injustice that is unimaginable for the evil of its consequences.

AND wait...THEN take government bailouts....my money...your money...ugh...there are no words...

'Peggy' from Mad Men Season 1 ep 8 said it best:

"I don't understand I try to do my job, I follow the rules... and other people, people who are not good, get to walk around doing what they want, its not fair"



I understand Peggy...but what the hell to do about it?