How 'for colored girls' fucked up my game....

On the train home today I was stuffed in a two seater with a large elderly lady. As she struggled to get up a large hand reached out and asked her if she needed help. She politely declined but I was drawn to the tall man in the puffy coat (shiny read -1) and the kind eyes.  As she exited, he sat down next to and pulled out an obviously dogeared book and begane reading, but not before he checked to see if I had enough room (+1million). I looked at him and thought..."but I met him on the train"....flashbacks--

Oh hell to the naw!

Dam u tyler perry!!!!

Ima read my dam book.

Is it me?

Hello there.

How are you?

Great great. I'm well too. Things are good with you? Great great to hear.

How well do you think people know you? The real you? 1, 2, 20? I hate when people think they know me. I always thought my entire life that I was completely transparent. You wanted to know what I thought...or was thinking... you know I would tell you whether I meant to share or not..(filter aquired).  I've been realizing that I'm not as open as I thought. I tend to share with very few people, I 'talk' with lots of people...but share? Not too many. I've been going out of my way to share lately and I always think it's funny when people are surprised when I share things I'm not sure of or things like that. You dummy(!), just because people (1) don't spill their weaknesses all over the blogospere doesn't mean they aren't there and (2) just because a person doesn't fall apart every time something goes wrong doesn't mean they don't hurt. I know you feel the same way....

Well this chick the other day says to me. "I don't think you're happy." You know she got the 'bitch please' eyebrow and silence (my new over effective filter - trying to get rid of it). There is NOTHING I hate more than people trying to 'read' you and getting it WRONG. You. Don't. Know. Me. So uhm, have some humility and ask me before you assigned some shit to me. 

I will respond though and remark that I am not Unhappy. I am overwhelmed. over-frickin-whelmed. I have two months to make extremely challenging life changing decisions and none of them easy. I am applying for a new job with a very prestigious company..and the letters I have to write must be 'great' not just good and grammatically correct but appealing and attention grabbing -- I used to be a horrible writer....now I'm...less horrible. I have to take the GRE by February...have you seen the math section??? Good god save me. I said I would never look at that math again after statistics-- math is one of those skills that I have to work at...it doesn't come naturally to be me like chemistry or biology... I have to apply to 7, read 7, different schools (a few ivies) in different parts of the city and northeast...and they aren't the same programs....

So I'm not happy I have to drop 1200 bucks on a kaplan class. I'm not happy I have to explain my goals in life when they keep changing. I'm not happy that I want to do everything - don't pigeon hole me! I'm not happy my mother doesn't want me to step one foot farther away from her than I am now and I want to go get lost somewhere where they don't speak English (but don't have gang raping militia roaming around ...Congo is oooout - sorry Veronique). I'm not happy I don't have more money. I'm not happy my ex was a dolt. I'm not happy I gained weight (although it looks great on my ass...) -- But I'm not Unhappy.

I'll think I'm going to have to take it back to the Philly old school when I say,

mind yur bitness mizz.

learn something you don't know already....funtimes.

http://whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com/

Enjoy! My new smart friend told me about it...looove her! Making me read and shit (aka non-scifi).

For colored girl - I couldn't wait!!!

8:18 pm   Why did everyone in one section start screaming when the man on man sex act in the alley way happened....oh boy....
Also.....so far so good...

8:28 pm Whoopie goldberg has got her mojo working...she is oscar amazing....


8:46 pm And thandie is killing it too. Love love love her....oookay so the illegal abortion is coming up and really....I'm not ready....mayce gray...I'm not ready.


8:55 pm I wonder, right now, am I a coward. I slipped out the room with the sounds of sad cries at my back. I can always sense the rape scene. They make me sick to my stomach and never leave my mind. Am I supposed to watch them out of some kinda solidarity? I dunno. I'm not doing it. I'll just sit out here and talk to you until I'm sure its over. I'll miss the whole movie before I watch that. I mean..it entertainment right? Educational, truth? Maybe i'll watch it when I know what to do with it.

I think I can go back in now.

9:27 pm  So while whoopie says her father molested her ..."he said I'm ugly"...they laughed

When she smeared her fallen daughter with blood,
They. Laughed.....

But it isn't funny right arty?

Why are they laughing....?

Post Op... Full disclosure... I haven't read the bible book. So I came to the play without the emotional connection that many have with the text. Much the same way that I have never watched Hally butcher 'their eyes were watching god' and am eternally grateful that my soul text (Mama Day) is much too obscure for anyone to bother fucking up on the big screen with their myopic and 'some other group''- centric interpretation of the main points - all that being said to say - I get it.


But I didn't read the book - so I thought it was okay.


It wasn't good.


It was too melodramatic. It was too caramel colored. It was too permed. It was too long legged and slimmed hipped.  Too many people laughed at the wrong places - at the pain on whoopie's non-caramel face as she discussed her molestation by her father. I blame Tyler. Too many things mushed up against each other with soapy soap opera music...equals dummies missing the point and laughing at the pain.


But it felt like truth up there on the screen. My story was being told and not the abridged version. I felt soothed and loved and encouraged and affirmed. So thank you universe for placing this bit in my life...right now..when I most needed. 


I still hate  dislike you strongly tyler perry. For creating Madea. I'll forgive you one day. When you take off the wig, the dress, and the fake boobs for good. and then when god tells me to...that's when I'll forgive you. until then...you know how it goes.

Election Day!!!

and lord save  us from ourselves...

Nice save Yahoo articles...

because if they hadn't put that 'please don't get mad at us" preface there would be a few (*wink) pissed black women deleting their yahoo accounts!

Getty Images

10. Hair extensions

African American women have supplemented their own hair for decades by weaving in sleek, natural-looking faux-hair pieces—usually to quite beautiful-looking effects. Not so much for the white gals, especially the blondes, who, since around 2000, have used Rapunzel-length weaves that have been bleached to a hay-like consistency and look like mangled princess wigs that were once maintained by a group of toddlers. The worst perpetrator of this hair trend has to be Britney Spears, who has famously walked around, ill-groomed and with half of her extensions falling out.

Other terrible white-girl weaves of the past decade: Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Brooke Hogan, Amy Winehouse.

Impulse purchase....

my own words...or hers...who i don't know...i need help with this* -- *a.k.a EVERYTHING

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

Y/N/M?

I think I owe you guys a more personal post. A tale told through photos, links, and words.

I don't post personal stuff because I'm not 11 and don't have the need to express my feelings to anyone who will listen. It's also no one's business who I love, who I make rad fake babies with or who I wish would scram forever (even though I soooo want to tell you those things sometimes).

But I used to post more about my social life which I don't anymore because as I get older it feels a little self-indulgent. Plus, who on earth aside from my family, besties and the guy I'm dating would care what I'm up to?

On the other hand, I can't just give you guys pieces of the Internet and give meaning to this blog, right?

those aren't even my own words. however they kicked that sore spot in the back of my ass that I've been trying to ignore. I've been ignoring this blog, like so many things on my life to do list...not because I met a man...or rather not just because I met a man...

I just can't get over my capacity for idleness. I once (during unemployment) wanted to see how long I could stay in the house and be perfectly content (with trips to the corner store for mike and ikes and root bear - frozen pizza fully stocked..you know it...) -- I should keep this to myself but four whole days people...four days...in a small one bedroom apt alone with my two cats...I could have gone longer...I just was embarrassed at how content I was...

that can't be positive. and I'm embarrassed to admit it, really, I embarrassed that I spent hours -- I repeat, hours watching tv, emailing, window shopping, eating junk food and periodically taking long lavender scented baths....I should have been a princess (not a queen because they have duties :))...

May I borrow some of your hustler energy...

,will you still be my friend even though I'm a slacker?

I should be reading a book a week, a non-fiction book..nothing with vampires, or delicious sex scenes with embarrassing bondage moments (shock face..tmi)...

I should have written my personal statement already...

I should do laundry every weekend...not drop it off...go DO it yourself....

I should cut the tv off at least an hour an evening...or at least watch channel 12...maybe just cut BRAVO off for a bit...?

shhh...Big bang theory is on..shall return..eventually.

Cute...

Shame you won't read this...