Two more to go...

finals suck. i think i don't care anymore. a pass is a pass??
then i can go home to this...for days and days and days (+beer+Ocho+bf+gym-stress)

lol - MMMMEEEEEeeEEEEEeeeeee

the school of social work
by: molotovsky

times a wasting

I have been razor focused on time.

When you don't have all you need, your vision narrows and tunnel vision lets you see nothing excepts those things relevant to getting you through to where you need to be.

A paper done, a bill paid, a meal cooked...

This weekend I walked into an urban outfitters.

My favorite place.

I know it isn't the PC place to like - it is a land of big box pretending to be small.. quirky.. individual.. They steal folks ideas and put them on sale for 4 bucks.

I used to walk through the aisles slowly, singularly, identifying all the things I would lovingly watch until that very.. last.. mark.. down - I could feel my fingers anticipating the feeling of triumph when I walked out of the third store I searched with a piece I love at 9.99 from 89.99. I would giggle identifying a designer piece they didn't even bother to change before swiping. There was an unlimited about of time. With that black and white reusable bag clutched in my hands, full of  things, I would feel like "I win, time is free, I am free." Money was limited but time was not...I was rich...in time.

What happens though when you leave this moment to hope for the next? When this day is simply an impediment to the next, an impediment to where you need to be, an impediment to get what you need for you? It feels like you are sitting in a padded room with nothing to do (twiddle your thumbs) and at the very same time you are in the world working 15 hours shifts. Exhausted and yet completely removed from it all. Watching yourself spin crazily to complete deadline but only being aware when it's something that achieves a benchmark.

I thought about all of this as stood at the balcony of the UO for a while. They play the appropriate indy movie thoughtful moment music - which breaks me out of the reflection revelry with it's "it's just too perfect for the moment perfectness" and I head downstairs to the men's floor where they hide the good shoes that never go on sale.

13,22,2/2....

stupid test...

I took a dumb test about my best career choice...this is what it said.

You are a Persuader, possible professions include - entertainer, recruiter, artist, newscaster, writer/journalist, recreation director, librarian, facilitator, politician, psychologist, housing director, career counselor, sales trainer, travel agent, program designer, corporate/team trainer, child welfare worker, social worker (elderly services), interpreter/translator, occupational therapist, executive


oh.

oh yes!

No Locking Posts!!

I was devastated months ago when I finally realized that I couldn't lock posts...

It meant that in place of my funny date stories - there would be no funny bf stories.  Stories just aren't as funny when you're held accountable, or could hurt someones feelings, and honestly it simply isn't fun knowing that it ends up being like a message etc...

So in response I've said nothing.

tre boring.

I'm thinking of breaking the seal....

Letting it out...

But like I said previously I don't wanna be the single in the twin letting everything out and  the other single gets to stay safe behind silence...

Oh power plays...

the annoyance....

Sigh (cracks knuckles)

So I spent thanksgivings with the beau's family because my mother decided that now was the best time to go on vacation. So in 32 years of life - this year was the first I did not spend with my family. I was/am devastated. There were MANY blogable moments - including finally meeting mama's baby boy, aka Shareef - but before we left mom's house for dad's house (oh, yeah I was all UP in this families ass for twelve hours) I got a little loose with the tongue with moms.

faux pa.

She was discussing her need for her baby boy and beloved wife of baby boy to have children. I take blame. I did mention that couples usually get a dog as a trail before winding their way up to children (should have been my first sign that my tongue was loose)... So I, obviously feeling comfortable, decided to share that I was ready to have children...soon. We had discussed my boundaries with time and her son before so this wasn't exactly news to her. But then I started talking about how before he had come around I was considering having children alone and I put off thinking about to see where this would go...I had always assumed I would have children I didn't have to share, blah blah blah.

Her response?

Weeellllll, Mrs. Mom is generally talkative so I wasn't going to get the rude silence if she was displeased. Honestly, I will never know....which will simply feed my anxiety about the diarrhea mouth.

ah well. the beau will have to let me know (hint,hint)....

on the agenda!

A natural woman...

Resource room thoughts...Go!

Aretha....check.

You make me feel. You make me feel like a . na.tur.ral. wo.man. You make me feel..like. a nat.ur.ral. woooman.

Dam. What does it feel like to feel like that? A natural woman? In this social moment - I guess we would have to take it to Lady Gaga's Born this way....

with certainty, that's not what Aretha was talking about. Now I know not to fantasise about romance novels those aren't real, but this shit snuck up and got to me.

I don't know what it is but I want it!!

Is it when your S.O. runs his their head (Freudian slip - I meant hand...I guess I meant head - smh) hand up your thigh and tells you that you are it. Just it? I'm sure the right answer is something like feeling whole in yourself and sharing that with your preferred other but smack that. I've been single and that is a hollow pill to swallow - placebo effect....hate to say it ( I mean feel it).

paradoxically, i'm sure i've not had this natural woman thing. Not with a boyfriend (insert irony) I don't think. Maybe the dark one but that was so long ago and those memories are packed tight in a waterlogged cardboard file at the bottom of the basement. eh.

The bff said yesterday "I'm not in the best of shape but I look good naked" and I thought, "Wow, I haven't felt like that in a long time." I didn't even realize I hadn't felt steamy, sultry, sexy for while until that moment...

aw shit.

Ah well...

Thanks Blogger.


You must be prescient. You somehow knew what I needed today was a reminder of how little I impact the world.


You were thinking to yourself "that dam bekabug needs a kick in the pants!"... show her how many people read her blog...*snicker*


4, on a good day. :)


y'all are all who matter to me.


Giggling...

that's it.

love this room. those callalillies are the spot.