On Beauty....

My thoughts continue to be stunted by the lack on sunlight in my environment. My tiny melanin rich skin cells are starved of vitamin d like those kids locked in the attic by their grand mom -- What was it?? Flowers in the attic?? Can someone tell me why we were reading such a traumatic book in fifth grade....how were they described? Four beautiful orphan children, tall, willowy and very very pale. Hmm, I bet if I were to reread those books I would get some specific sense of beauty and it would not look like me - read: the early hidden inculcation of proper beauty.

Where is this coming from right? My soul! (Joking but serious). Confrontation with my own wavering, sensitive and delicate self-esteem? (willowy and frail in a sense) Very likely.

But also this article I read about interracial marriage - they had this wonderfully 'objective' chart that described who married whom and at what rate. It makes sense, most 'races' - or more accurately cultures and skin colors - married themselves and then, in ranking order, asian, indian, and finally black. Okay I thought - I've been black and not Kerry Washington (thanks John Mayer and by thanks I mean FdotUdot) and so I get that black features etc. are the least desired. I was expecting that result and my shield was up and ready -- but then I spied with my, well, rather huge eyes a tiny innocuous line that read something like "Black women bear the brunt of white men's dislike" -- okay, maybe it wasn't innocuous. How (not) surprising! Really? White men dislike how we look the most? We're kinda told that everytime we ... dam near awaken. Was that a positive injection to the tall willowy self-esteem? No, but I ignored it.

What else happened you ask?

Well, let me tell you. This is another episode in the "This shit only happens to me" show - starring me every single sunless rainy day. A friend of mine and I went out this weekend, hanging out against our better judgement, invited by a very well to do and generally friendly guy friend of ours. Did I stuff enough information into that sentence? Apologies... I'm always rushing to the end (bookmark that for later).

Anyway -

We show and have a good time. He (well to do) is refilling the drinks with the (as he mentioned) no limit Amex and therefore folks get a bit ... friendly a.k.a 'filterless'. I did not mention that my girlfriend is a stunner - even john mayer would go for it - seriously. Tiny waist, light skin (I'm coming back to it just hold your breath!!!), hips and this long thick wavy midnight black hair. Soooo we are having a break from the revelry (I suspect they had entered the "what song is that phase of the night - aka "get another drink and let the 'feets' rest" set) and my friend inappropriately reaches over to my girl, sticks his hands into her hair and says "see kebs, I can get my hands through her hair...."

Uhm.

Well, now the cool thing to do would be to come back with some snappy comment about his appearance or penis size (I said it) or something of that vein - then everyone could have an uncomfortable chuckle, happy that I have defended myself and stood up for the beauty of blackness and counteracted the internal pain of white supremacy that would make a proud black man say that in jest to a dark skinned natural sister. The sucky thing is that my friend loves me (?)(...book mark book mark!!) and yet deeeeeep down still struggles with accepting the shape and color of black beauty.

How did I respond?

Too tired for clever quips. I simply said, "You know what friend? Many people find the way I look to be quite beautiful." Nothing like a sober comment to ..well sober up the moment!

But Ug. I'm tired. I'm tired of stealthy being told in so many creative ways (go ask some black women - any woman- [read:patriarchy/omnipotent] I don't have time to explain it to you) that my version of blackness (not kerry washington) is not beautiful. It takes alot of work to remind yourself [because few (not none)] will do it for you and they don't buy billboards on houston street, commercials on bravo, or ads in vogue -- so that leaves little 'ole me and my band of darkies always reminding ourselves -- yes sweety, you are beautiful...kinky, knotty, short black hair and all.

Please remove your foot from my neck. Thanks. kebs.
http://www.bekabugsblob.blogspot.com/

I'm not famous but...

I made it onto someone else's blog - Check it out. It took three phone calls to get that outfit right! Dressing as a non-clergy person in a clergy position is a hard thing to do...still got that neckline wrong - sigh.

Reprinted with permission....

I was going to post, Hello March! but I'm not going to.

I then going to post, Look at my fly ass boots! but I'm not going to be able to.

I am also not going to get philosophical and explain why what I'm going to post touched me because it didn't (Many many walls activated). I'm also not going to talk about the courageousness of one of my students because it is probably evident. But I suspect that this flyer was put in my hands at this moment for a reason - I'm just going to share it with you like she asked me to.

Newsletter of the Day

"Young teens that are selling their body females - males. The system
knows what's going on and they don't want to help. I've been to courthouses even
tried to get a 'pins' warrant on her to help but no luck. I also called ACS on
myself for help but again no luck. So now I feel that I have to take this into
my own hands and try to stop this. My Lord, please give me the faith to
strand strong and firm as I walk thru with your blood. Give me the
strength to go on this journey.

Ladies and gentle men there are things that I would like to share with you
about what is going on in the world, all over the world that I'm trying to put a
stop to. I feel the more I reach out, the more I can get help. There's something
I've been going thru. My teenage daughter is a runaway and she is also selling
her body. Mother, sisters, fathers, uncles and aunts there are pimps around
these kids schools that are pimping out these young teens. Not only the females
also the males!! Keep an eye on your teens, please check their rooms, their books
and things that you may not expect. Keep them off of the Internet unless you
check what they are doing at all times.

I never thought my child was prostituting and it hurt me to my stomach to
find out what she is doing. I'm not here for your sympathy. I'm not embarrassed
by what I'm telling you all because it is not only helping my child, I think it will
help to benefit your child 2. I would like to help all the young teens here and
all over. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to whisper and stare. If you
feel that you would like to speak to me, you are more than welcome. I feel this
should be a time that we all as people need to come together and help out young
teenagers who are in digress and are going through the same situations. I feel
that we need to start now. If anyone has anything to share that would help
me please do not hesitate to come forward and talk to me."