Monday, November 8, 2010

How 'for colored girls' fucked up my game....

On the train home today I was stuffed in a two seater with a large elderly lady. As she struggled to get up a large hand reached out and asked her if she needed help. She politely declined but I was drawn to the tall man in the puffy coat (shiny read -1) and the kind eyes.  As she exited, he sat down next to and pulled out an obviously dogeared book and begane reading, but not before he checked to see if I had enough room (+1million). I looked at him and thought..."but I met him on the train"....flashbacks--

Oh hell to the naw!

Dam u tyler perry!!!!

Ima read my dam book.

Is it me?

Hello there.

How are you?

Great great. I'm well too. Things are good with you? Great great to hear.

How well do you think people know you? The real you? 1, 2, 20? I hate when people think they know me. I always thought my entire life that I was completely transparent. You wanted to know what I thought...or was thinking... you know I would tell you whether I meant to share or not..(filter aquired).  I've been realizing that I'm not as open as I thought. I tend to share with very few people, I 'talk' with lots of people...but share? Not too many. I've been going out of my way to share lately and I always think it's funny when people are surprised when I share things I'm not sure of or things like that. You dummy(!), just because people (1) don't spill their weaknesses all over the blogospere doesn't mean they aren't there and (2) just because a person doesn't fall apart every time something goes wrong doesn't mean they don't hurt. I know you feel the same way....

Well this chick the other day says to me. "I don't think you're happy." You know she got the 'bitch please' eyebrow and silence (my new over effective filter - trying to get rid of it). There is NOTHING I hate more than people trying to 'read' you and getting it WRONG. You. Don't. Know. Me. So uhm, have some humility and ask me before you assigned some shit to me. 

I will respond though and remark that I am not Unhappy. I am overwhelmed. over-frickin-whelmed. I have two months to make extremely challenging life changing decisions and none of them easy. I am applying for a new job with a very prestigious company..and the letters I have to write must be 'great' not just good and grammatically correct but appealing and attention grabbing -- I used to be a horrible I'm...less horrible. I have to take the GRE by February...have you seen the math section??? Good god save me. I said I would never look at that math again after statistics-- math is one of those skills that I have to work doesn't come naturally to be me like chemistry or biology... I have to apply to 7, read 7, different schools (a few ivies) in different parts of the city and northeast...and they aren't the same programs....

So I'm not happy I have to drop 1200 bucks on a kaplan class. I'm not happy I have to explain my goals in life when they keep changing. I'm not happy that I want to do everything - don't pigeon hole me! I'm not happy my mother doesn't want me to step one foot farther away from her than I am now and I want to go get lost somewhere where they don't speak English (but don't have gang raping militia roaming around ...Congo is oooout - sorry Veronique). I'm not happy I don't have more money. I'm not happy my ex was a dolt. I'm not happy I gained weight (although it looks great on my ass...) -- But I'm not Unhappy.

I'll think I'm going to have to take it back to the Philly old school when I say,

mind yur bitness mizz.

learn something you don't know already....funtimes.

Enjoy! My new smart friend told me about it...looove her! Making me read and shit (aka non-scifi).

Friday, November 5, 2010

For colored girl - I couldn't wait!!!

8:18 pm   Why did everyone in one section start screaming when the man on man sex act in the alley way happened....oh boy.... far so good...

8:28 pm Whoopie goldberg has got her mojo working...she is oscar amazing....

8:46 pm And thandie is killing it too. Love love love her....oookay so the illegal abortion is coming up and really....I'm not ready....mayce gray...I'm not ready.

8:55 pm I wonder, right now, am I a coward. I slipped out the room with the sounds of sad cries at my back. I can always sense the rape scene. They make me sick to my stomach and never leave my mind. Am I supposed to watch them out of some kinda solidarity? I dunno. I'm not doing it. I'll just sit out here and talk to you until I'm sure its over. I'll miss the whole movie before I watch that. I entertainment right? Educational, truth? Maybe i'll watch it when I know what to do with it.

I think I can go back in now.

9:27 pm  So while whoopie says her father molested her ..."he said I'm ugly"...they laughed
When she smeared her fallen daughter with blood,
They. Laughed.....
But it isn't funny right arty?
Why are they laughing....?

Post Op... Full disclosure... I haven't read the bible book. So I came to the play without the emotional connection that many have with the text. Much the same way that I have never watched Hally butcher 'their eyes were watching god' and am eternally grateful that my soul text (Mama Day) is much too obscure for anyone to bother fucking up on the big screen with their myopic and 'some other group''- centric interpretation of the main points - all that being said to say - I get it.

But I didn't read the book - so I thought it was okay.

It wasn't good.

It was too melodramatic. It was too caramel colored. It was too permed. It was too long legged and slimmed hipped.  Too many people laughed at the wrong places - at the pain on whoopie's non-caramel face as she discussed her molestation by her father. I blame Tyler. Too many things mushed up against each other with soapy soap opera music...equals dummies missing the point and laughing at the pain.

But it felt like truth up there on the screen. My story was being told and not the abridged version. I felt soothed and loved and encouraged and affirmed. So thank you universe for placing this bit in my life...right now..when I most needed. 

I still hate  dislike you strongly tyler perry. For creating Madea. I'll forgive you one day. When you take off the wig, the dress, and the fake boobs for good. and then when god tells me to...that's when I'll forgive you. until know how it goes.