Monday, May 14, 2012

The end(finals suck)

All of this white space seems so serene to me. I don't want to fill it up and I don't think I have anymore things to say. I am almost done the worse rushed papers of a decade. Feeling like my references for my PHD have gone down the drain. *ack

Monday, May 7, 2012

through friendship...

I went home last week.
and because my home is a mausoleum (and my mother a hoarder)
there were things that were posted on my wall from the 1992.
19 fucking 92.
There was this poster I ripped out from seventeen magazine...
I wasn't seventeen.
It was a 'how to' be a good friend. I ripped it out and put in on my wall...
I wonder what made me find that article important. I guess it touched a part of me.
the inside me whom I didn't know juuust yet.
Well, I think in so many ways that article gave me the basis of who I was going to be.
I would cultivate people and discover relationships that would save my life and my sanity
those are not the same thing
so many times over and over.
Those friendships would be my source of strength and creativity...
I laugh when people tell me I'm strong or smart or cleaver...
I stole all that from the people who love. me.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Not Like Crazy...

It would be an impossible task to encapsulate the inexplicable drag, drop, explosion of a fucked ass year this was.

This afternoon I was sitting in the computer lab chilling with my girl Shauna, whispering Jill...

what you do is crazy baby, not like you belong in an asylum, crazy baby, like sun in morning, i'm astounded by your love for me...

and I suddenly couldn't kick this flood of relief. It was


of the panic attack I had last Friday contemplating the moment of revelation.

I looked up and to the left to welcome an old friend home.


See, cuz, like, the world is over and everything is working out.

everything is checking out, sir.

my little girl is sitting in a field of flowers wearing a cotton dress with blue, red, and yellow stripes. The straps are tied tight with little bows and  her hands are nasty with the sap of dandelion flowers. She is elated by the sun dancing over the leaves...

nothing else matters right now.

deep breath.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The End

i have always loved endings. for me, logically, they signal rebirth. sometimes a love of endings causes me to yearn for them when things get a tickle in them. i work to stay in the dirtiest places least until i know i'm not running - but transitioning. there is a difference, you know. here on this blog - i am prepared to transition. this blog has represented a will for me. it started as a way to bring a friendship together with dreams of being famous. at the heart of it was my secret desire to be a better writer. this has been accomplished. having completed a tough semester at school - i see my style and my voice as a writer all over my work. it brings me great joy to recognize how far i have come.

but all things change. the voice of this blog has become muddled. the purpose and dedication is therefore different. what goes where and the fear of the 'overshare' loom mightily. i am looking to find a way to get back to my more political writing side. my momentum faltered after a friend ruined my computer and i was never able to quite pick back up to that speed. my fault entirely. so i intend to keep sharing my writing. definitely with a larger audience but personal blob is finished.

thank you for reading and being my audience for the past four years.