Friday, December 31, 2010

I blew my cover...

So I've been very good at hiding my feminism. Folks tell me that I can't date black men and be a feminist and I believed them.But is the belief that black men are generally sexist  and completely wedded to  patriarchy true? Is it a similar generalization to the erroneous way black people were blamed for prop 9 being overturned - we were pigeon holed as generally homophobic. People say things like black people are more homophobic than everyone else. So black people are homophobic and black men are sexist.

Is it true?

I'm only bringing it up because I just let another one bite the dust and we both know it. We liked each other. Great conversations about politics and life and was inevitable though. I saw it coming. He'd say things like - a man being a man or men and women can not have relationships today because folks don't know their 'roles'.  I would do the hmm mmm and a 'is that so'.

Why bother you ask?

I dunno.

I simply got tired of ended it every time a guy said something sexist. It's impossible. I wanted to date.  Tonight though he irritated me by talking about my thighs - thighs he has never touched - and I didn't appreciate it. So when he made one of his statements - tonight was a doozie -- I called him on it.

It started like this. You know, he said, I love dating African and Haitian women. I don't date Jamaican women. I told my father before if I was married to my mother (He is Jamaican) I would have divorced her. She's got a mouth on her.

* this ass seriously saying this right now????

Oh really? What was it that you enjoyed about African and Haitian women (bookmarked the mom comment for later)(btw men with mom issues...scaaarrryyy)?

They aren't like Jamaican women. Jamaican women are always talking about paying for the pompom and manipulating you. When I'm out with African and Haitian women they have a respect built into their culture for men - so there is no issue there. (negative comment about southern women versus northern women deleted due to its inappropriate nature)

So what does that look like for you? Being respected as a man.

Well they you know uhm well know how to make a man feel good? You give him a task. Make him feel needed.

Uhm mmm and they give you this task over dinner?

Well you can see where this is going. He believes that women should take care of the home and men should be the provider and protector. I said okay provider but you know, we don't live in the wild wild west, what are you protecting from whom? He says protecting emotionally and such. Sigh. Anyway.

Let me say this. I can't say that I'm completely in disagreement with his argument. I do think that both partners have roles. Men should work. Women should work as well. We both contribute to the family in ways that we feel comfortable.

The rub is that I mostly embrace traditional roles. I love to cook, want to have children, but it's not my job to make sure the laundry is done, and the food prepared; can I do it on Wednesday through Saturday and you do the other days? Jeez. You have eyes and hands, wash the dishes and do the laundry when it needs to be done. I'm not making a sound argument but this argument about proper roles annoys me.

Here's the example that annoys me the most. I said to him, I have a girlfriend who hates domestic roles. She is great however at business, she can bring in that cash and wants to be the CEO of like a JP Morgan chase. What do you think about that? His tone: derisive. If she can do that and keep her family together then fine. I just need my wife at home with the children when they come because woman are natural----blah blah blah --
I know you know the scrip.


He follows with, I don't mean to diminished or pigeon hole anyone. I said, would you have said the same thing of a man who wanted to run JP Morgan chase. No answer.

So I didn't call him on this stuff because ultimately it has nothing to do with us. Neither of us is good in business and I don't mind doing laundry, but the rub for me is people who are not open minded about the world. I am a grown woman. I don't need a leader, I need a partner; and those things are not the same thing.

In the name of patriarchy rebuilding the community, these folks are running around saying that women and men can't stay in relationship because folks don't now their roles -- we know what that means.

I submit that we are having difficulty in relationships because men and the institution of marriage has yet to restructure itself embracing the freedom that women have acquired over the last 100 years. We have the right to vote, and the right to a divorce, and a right to be protected by the state from domestic violence, and the right to own land, and the right to open a bank account in our names, and a right to keep our money and our children should we leave our husbands.

Anyway, I've said all this before many many many times. (Did you see the nytimes article about the rising divorce rate in Iran? Those women were given the freedom to leave and they are jumping on that bandwagon) And the initial point to be explored is what are the implications of being a feminist in the Black American dating market? I'm not sure but at this point following that conversation it feels bleak.

Tomorrow when I am hopeful again I will remember that black people are not more homophobic than white people and black men are not all wedded sexism and patriarchy- there are some black people who hate gay people and some men(and women) who will forever be wedded to patriarchy - but there are others who are open minded about this topic - I will wait on them. And besides, I know plenty of men like that, I've dated them mind you! Stupid ass. Off with their heads!!  On to the next one!! * Stilettos clicking down the hall.

Oh wow. last post for 2010. hope ur NYE was wonderful!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


not that you care.
but i'm home.
the snow sucks.
the travel made me so tired i couldn't sleep
or read my kindle.
sigh. my neck. my back.
and people think i'm partying on saturday.
fuck new years. i'm jewish.
new years isn't until april.
thanks. good night.

(yes I did post a picture of that man peeing)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I didn't buy this one....waaaay too much...and who wants to wear spanx to the club?

Okay, gnight for real. Besos.

Me, my dude, and my bday. G'night!

Happy Birthday to me!!!


its 12:16. sadly...i'm not a steep 32. fortunately i hang with old people so they assure me i'm not old yet. i'm kinda out of shape right now - i hope i can get my mojo back soon.

 i'm looking forward to reading, and loving, and moving, and writing, and friending, and familing, and perming, and running, and cutting, and shopping, and caressing, and painting, and caring, and debating, and movieing, and 'ocho'ing and...italying.

Lord bless me to be able to do those things, bless me to keep my family safe and healthy, and all that good shit i don't have time to talk about.

Off to bed so I can be prepared for the spa.

Love you and thank you for reading.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

dudes cry and other crap...

Kathy Lee and Hoda weighed in this morning on men crying. Not that they are a credible source - not Kathy Lee anyway...her politics are screwed. Poor Hoda obviously was supposed to be a real journalist but took the cash instead - I have no hate for the choice - money is important, her platform is going to massive compared to mine :).

So with the John Bayner cry episode on 60 Minutes everyone is talking about crying that is. They showed Clinton and Bush and others in power doing it - didn't seem  weak to me... And thus revealed my true queasiness with it. That dude was broke with no clear ambition and was turning 40 and owned nothing - now that isn't his goal in life mind you, he is intent on leaving the country to escape the strictures of the capitalistic ideology that retards our spiritutality, I think that's what he meant to say anyway.

So I say all that to say that he was a loser ANYWAY and thus the crying was simply the icing on top of a melting, mushy, fruit filled (not a gay reference, I hate fruit filling and therefore I am trying to convery my ick factor) pathmark cake with whipped topping...(the worse). Oddly though - - Miss Patty still likes him...*shrugs shoulders.

(Sheepish face)

Other crap.

How do you feel about the hard press? The 'you're fly, I'm fly, we should have babies someday' press? (Shaking my head knowingly, yup that move is hot) Hell yeah baby - that's what I'm talking about. No worries I've heard it before I'm not losing my head...yet.

(Rocking Erykah - Fall in Love with me (You're Funeral)) 

Erykah I wish I had voodoo you do. I just listen and wonder what I'd do with all that pussy power...hehehe (bookmark).

So I will let you get back to work...but I'm questioning whether to do the annual birthday post... aka I need to do, I should do, blah blah blah my future, blah blah. I think the multiple 'blahs' convey my feelings on it happening.

(hmm mmm Jaheim...'I gotta a job and a trainer' Jaheim - not 'harlem thug how'd you really get that escalade' Jaheim...."Gotta find my way back" is not good for the focus. You know what I mean... *side eye)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Gotta take it easy on 'em

I still have my 'niggas ain't shit' post written and saved.

My heart wasn't in it.

I'm newly single, dating and having a great fucking time.  I know now that women are crazy...but shit if these dudes don't have problems.

One recent date, we're calling him BB or candles, had captured my attention. He was skinny, smart, a painter with beautiful hands (I have a bit of an obsession with man hands....healthy fingers *wink) and he works in the non-profit world. When I say 'captured my attention' I mean I kissed him on the second date (big moves for me *prude alert!) and lord Jesus - smh- skills people - no details though :).  Now I should have known something was wacky because when we first met at the Speakeasy. He was chatting and randomly we got on the subject of why all his girls become 'friends'[bitch FLAG awaving].  But I'm focused (on his lips) and love digging for buried treasure so I put that aside ( I mean, women have left good men on the showroom floor before - or so the myth goes) and kept it moving.

Date three? Obsession aside let's get to the meat...he spent a great deal of time talking about himself. Now, clue 1 you're in trouble with me? I have on my gentle voice (sticky sweet and alluring like that siren chick crashing ships) and I'm asking you how you felt about whatever you just revealed....that's my work voice. If my work voice is on it because I'm starting suspect that your ass is crazy...but your dumb ass is going to keep talking...

I asked 'candles' what did he like to do for fun. He replies[and this is where the fun is] he likes to pamper himself - get some candles, put on some Sade and take a bubble bath. (pause) a bubble bath.

It may sound like I'm being a frozen concrete bitch but as a feminist who rejects reified gender roles - but in my house you can't be a bitch. That is a horrible contradiction. Can we just look at it as a place where I need some growth??? Forgive me.  I suppose that I could have moved on from this quirk except that he already mentioned that he cries, that his last girlfriend dumped him because 'she needed to be with someone stronger than herself' and when she dumped him outside of his kids school - yes, he cried.

Now I have processed what it means to be a feminist and think this guy is a bitch. I have reconciled my contradiction by recognizing two things. The first is that the vagina [aka miss patty] decides who she is going to be happy with and, barring abuse; if she isn't happy, I'm not happy. Politics be dammed. The second realization I had is that I don't respect, what I identify as, weakness in either sex. It frustrates me and I avoid people who complain and don't stick shit out as a general rule. Everyone in my circle is a hard worker, a survivor, and committed to making 'it' happen. I don't see that in this guy. So I'm pulling out the instinct card to avoid getting placed in the judgemental bitch category - (chuckle) - hope that side shuffle worked.

But I had a good fucking time. I swear. Whose next!!!

( I already met him - but one on one date hasn't happened tiimmmmmessss)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Dam, i'm fucked up. I got work to do.


I'm finally working on my statement of purpose for school. I can't fathom the emotional hesitancy that had me procrastinate this for so long.  The distractions I have employed to put it aside...obsessing over if 'he' is going to call, traveling to different states to 'work on it' with friends, attending lectures, retreats and information sessions instead of fucking sitting down and writing the bitch out. I knew I had reached a new low with that obsession of when 'dude' was going to call. I can like someone but obsessing is definitely not my steelo.

         "So what is really going on with you Ms. lady?" I had to ask myself, "If you're thinking about him what aren't you thinking about?"


Then way back in that dark corner of my mind that little trader tentatively mentioned in a quiet voice..."Your paper, your internship and your job" and I guess when that voice didn't met any resistance from me she slipped to the front and just started ticking them off her fingers:
         "You didn't process the information you got when you went to Virginia, you didn't take notes from the last information session, you didn't find out when the next m.s.w meeting was going to be this year, you never contacted that dude from NYU and asked him questions about that policy degree he has, you never put the information from the bread retreat into your notes for the office and for the paper, you haven't asked rice formally to write a reference for you and you still have checked with Dionne about getting a reference letter from D. Williams."

deep breath/sigh.

Is this what fear of success looks like? I still maintain that it is truly fear of failure - but whatever. It feel true and I don't need therapy to confirm that for me.

alright. back to work.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I always, smugly, shake my head in affirmation when people talk about how crazy their families are, the craziness of the holidays, and their dread at the prospect of being cooped up in a confined space for untold hours with their kin -- but I don't really identify with the sentiment. My family isn't fucked up - well Kim is...more on that later - we're ...quirky. I know now, intellectually, that my mother is a ...whats the name of the thingy....not a pack rat...a hoarder. Yeah, not as bad as the people on the show (which I watch with apprehension - it's so sad, really...sad) but more like I never pick anything up, or never hang anything up or never put that folded pile of laundry in the actual a matter of fact, she most likely never got the laundry out of the dryer in the  first place.

I am prepared for this madness. I said intellectually. Emotionally somewhere in a small tiny dark room in my heart I'm still pissed, annoyed, embarrassed and angry.

Well these motherfuckers decided to ruin my dam thanksgiving.

About two weeks ago my nephew[son of aforemention Kim, also older sister of mine] ran away. That's what I'm calling it. He just..never came home one day. Yes, he is 21 BUT he is legally blind, has cerebral palsy, and one leg is shorter than the other. All you morbid people can laugh now - I probably boss laughed when I told her about him. Fucked up right?

So he isn't independent in any sense of the word. He moved to his girlfriends aunts house to sleep on the couch -- for real. So he hated  wanted to get away from his mother so much that he and his blind girlfriend would rather sleep on a couch than wait and get assisted living for the blind. I have mentioned my opinions on my sister child rearing skills previously and to catch you blind nephew who has cerebral palsy ran away to sleep on his girlfriend aunts couch. enough said? okay.

Short and sweet. I spend my dam thanksgiving cleaning my mothers back room so that my nephew could move in. After we went to the house and saw that this bitch was crazy, and ghetto, and crazy (did I mention the boyfriend from jail who was coming home in December? no? well...yeah) we moved his shit pronto.

Sigh. My family is crazy. When I go home to NYC I can leave it behind and BE who I choose. But going home is a bitch.

Monday, November 8, 2010

How 'for colored girls' fucked up my game....

On the train home today I was stuffed in a two seater with a large elderly lady. As she struggled to get up a large hand reached out and asked her if she needed help. She politely declined but I was drawn to the tall man in the puffy coat (shiny read -1) and the kind eyes.  As she exited, he sat down next to and pulled out an obviously dogeared book and begane reading, but not before he checked to see if I had enough room (+1million). I looked at him and thought..."but I met him on the train"....flashbacks--

Oh hell to the naw!

Dam u tyler perry!!!!

Ima read my dam book.

Is it me?

Hello there.

How are you?

Great great. I'm well too. Things are good with you? Great great to hear.

How well do you think people know you? The real you? 1, 2, 20? I hate when people think they know me. I always thought my entire life that I was completely transparent. You wanted to know what I thought...or was thinking... you know I would tell you whether I meant to share or not..(filter aquired).  I've been realizing that I'm not as open as I thought. I tend to share with very few people, I 'talk' with lots of people...but share? Not too many. I've been going out of my way to share lately and I always think it's funny when people are surprised when I share things I'm not sure of or things like that. You dummy(!), just because people (1) don't spill their weaknesses all over the blogospere doesn't mean they aren't there and (2) just because a person doesn't fall apart every time something goes wrong doesn't mean they don't hurt. I know you feel the same way....

Well this chick the other day says to me. "I don't think you're happy." You know she got the 'bitch please' eyebrow and silence (my new over effective filter - trying to get rid of it). There is NOTHING I hate more than people trying to 'read' you and getting it WRONG. You. Don't. Know. Me. So uhm, have some humility and ask me before you assigned some shit to me. 

I will respond though and remark that I am not Unhappy. I am overwhelmed. over-frickin-whelmed. I have two months to make extremely challenging life changing decisions and none of them easy. I am applying for a new job with a very prestigious company..and the letters I have to write must be 'great' not just good and grammatically correct but appealing and attention grabbing -- I used to be a horrible I'm...less horrible. I have to take the GRE by February...have you seen the math section??? Good god save me. I said I would never look at that math again after statistics-- math is one of those skills that I have to work doesn't come naturally to be me like chemistry or biology... I have to apply to 7, read 7, different schools (a few ivies) in different parts of the city and northeast...and they aren't the same programs....

So I'm not happy I have to drop 1200 bucks on a kaplan class. I'm not happy I have to explain my goals in life when they keep changing. I'm not happy that I want to do everything - don't pigeon hole me! I'm not happy my mother doesn't want me to step one foot farther away from her than I am now and I want to go get lost somewhere where they don't speak English (but don't have gang raping militia roaming around ...Congo is oooout - sorry Veronique). I'm not happy I don't have more money. I'm not happy my ex was a dolt. I'm not happy I gained weight (although it looks great on my ass...) -- But I'm not Unhappy.

I'll think I'm going to have to take it back to the Philly old school when I say,

mind yur bitness mizz.

learn something you don't know already....funtimes.

Enjoy! My new smart friend told me about it...looove her! Making me read and shit (aka non-scifi).

Friday, November 5, 2010

For colored girl - I couldn't wait!!!

8:18 pm   Why did everyone in one section start screaming when the man on man sex act in the alley way happened....oh boy.... far so good...

8:28 pm Whoopie goldberg has got her mojo working...she is oscar amazing....

8:46 pm And thandie is killing it too. Love love love her....oookay so the illegal abortion is coming up and really....I'm not ready....mayce gray...I'm not ready.

8:55 pm I wonder, right now, am I a coward. I slipped out the room with the sounds of sad cries at my back. I can always sense the rape scene. They make me sick to my stomach and never leave my mind. Am I supposed to watch them out of some kinda solidarity? I dunno. I'm not doing it. I'll just sit out here and talk to you until I'm sure its over. I'll miss the whole movie before I watch that. I entertainment right? Educational, truth? Maybe i'll watch it when I know what to do with it.

I think I can go back in now.

9:27 pm  So while whoopie says her father molested her ..."he said I'm ugly"...they laughed
When she smeared her fallen daughter with blood,
They. Laughed.....
But it isn't funny right arty?
Why are they laughing....?

Post Op... Full disclosure... I haven't read the bible book. So I came to the play without the emotional connection that many have with the text. Much the same way that I have never watched Hally butcher 'their eyes were watching god' and am eternally grateful that my soul text (Mama Day) is much too obscure for anyone to bother fucking up on the big screen with their myopic and 'some other group''- centric interpretation of the main points - all that being said to say - I get it.

But I didn't read the book - so I thought it was okay.

It wasn't good.

It was too melodramatic. It was too caramel colored. It was too permed. It was too long legged and slimmed hipped.  Too many people laughed at the wrong places - at the pain on whoopie's non-caramel face as she discussed her molestation by her father. I blame Tyler. Too many things mushed up against each other with soapy soap opera music...equals dummies missing the point and laughing at the pain.

But it felt like truth up there on the screen. My story was being told and not the abridged version. I felt soothed and loved and encouraged and affirmed. So thank you universe for placing this bit in my life...right now..when I most needed. 

I still hate  dislike you strongly tyler perry. For creating Madea. I'll forgive you one day. When you take off the wig, the dress, and the fake boobs for good. and then when god tells me to...that's when I'll forgive you. until know how it goes.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Nice save Yahoo articles...

because if they hadn't put that 'please don't get mad at us" preface there would be a few (*wink) pissed black women deleting their yahoo accounts!

Getty Images
Getty Images

10. Hair extensions

African American women have supplemented their own hair for decades by weaving in sleek, natural-looking faux-hair pieces—usually to quite beautiful-looking effects. Not so much for the white gals, especially the blondes, who, since around 2000, have used Rapunzel-length weaves that have been bleached to a hay-like consistency and look like mangled princess wigs that were once maintained by a group of toddlers. The worst perpetrator of this hair trend has to be Britney Spears, who has famously walked around, ill-groomed and with half of her extensions falling out.

Other terrible white-girl weaves of the past decade: Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Brooke Hogan, Amy Winehouse.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

my own words...or hers...who i don't know...i need help with this* -- *a.k.a EVERYTHING

2010-10-14 20.54.58.jpg



I think I owe you guys a more personal post. A tale told through photos, links, and words.

I don't post personal stuff because I'm not 11 and don't have the need to express my feelings to anyone who will listen. It's also no one's business who I love, who I make rad fake babies with or who I wish would scram forever (even though I soooo want to tell you those things sometimes).

But I used to post more about my social life which I don't anymore because as I get older it feels a little self-indulgent. Plus, who on earth aside from my family, besties and the guy I'm dating would care what I'm up to?

On the other hand, I can't just give you guys pieces of the Internet and give meaning to this blog, right?

those aren't even my own words. however they kicked that sore spot in the back of my ass that I've been trying to ignore. I've been ignoring this blog, like so many things on my life to do list...not because I met a man...or rather not just because I met a man...

I just can't get over my capacity for idleness. I once (during unemployment) wanted to see how long I could stay in the house and be perfectly content (with trips to the corner store for mike and ikes and root bear - frozen pizza fully know it...) -- I should keep this to myself but four whole days people...four a small one bedroom apt alone with my two cats...I could have gone longer...I just was embarrassed at how content I was...

that can't be positive. and I'm embarrassed to admit it, really, I embarrassed that I spent hours -- I repeat, hours watching tv, emailing, window shopping, eating junk food and periodically taking long lavender scented baths....I should have been a princess (not a queen because they have duties :))...

May I borrow some of your hustler energy...
,will you still be my friend even though I'm a slacker?
I should be reading a book a week, a non-fiction book..nothing with vampires, or delicious sex scenes with embarrassing bondage moments (shock face..tmi)...
I should have written my personal statement already...
I should do laundry every weekend...not drop it off...go DO it yourself....
I should cut the tv off at least an hour an evening...or at least watch channel 12...maybe just cut BRAVO off for a bit...?
shhh...Big bang theory is on..shall return..eventually.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Music, Media & Activism...

KENNA, lupe, simon issacs and two others folks... interesting mix.  he is talking about a global consciousness in his fans...there is a global consciousness in his fan because 1. folks here have people outside of the country...2. from listening to his lyrics they just became aware (or were already aware i hope....)...that was his point in making the songs about Haiti and Pakistan....
*he just corrected himself for saying 'man' with reference to human beings....

I'm aroused....sorry....tmi

transition space....

surprisingly humorous....
Well at this point we don't know her name...
but the 'daughter of africa' who is moderating the massive panel changes is hilarious. i don't think she realizes that her mike stays on in between we hear her say things like... I think I have said hi to all of the panelist...uhmm and okay people not too many hand shakes. Its laugh out funny. and uhm I want her suit...white tuz jacket with gold buttons, slim pumps..yum!
 mrs. clinton looked great, no plastic hair clip scandal today...look it up yourself..
who knew melinda gates was a hotty...and rich...i'd do it..sorry mom.
and we're back...

She just asked for a big stick next time...Priceless...

and drumroll.....

her name is  Zeinab Badawi....

"Every woman, every child"

We're all here, ready and waiting. This is my first session and I'm super nervous. My brain is all twisted from finding out that President John Straussburger, the president emeritus of Ursinus College, A.K.A 'the one that mattered' passed this morning. So within the context of loosing a man that has done so much for the world of education and more importantly for a small group of african american students on a tiny college in the middle of nowhere, a man that 'just got it' AND then did something about it...I sit here waiting to see what the United Nations secretary general, Ban Ki-Moon, have to say about the MDL's and the state of women and children around the world.

I have that Jasmine song in my head.....
I gottta dream big...cuz when it happens it's gone have real quick....
well it doesn's have the same oomph without the pertinent.

aight. we're "taking our seats"

I shall return...

I made what?

Monday, September 20, 2010

fidigityboredmess...or at least that's how it started....

ugh on today.
didn't want to sit still and work...
my first day back from my allergical reaction to antibiotics
dam things out to kill me
who knew the world would go on without me??
(why am i surprised by that?)
Anyway, I thought the massive mess of a desk could explain my mental state better than words.

then i got a call.
my internship supervisor at BREAD knew about my blog and invited me to live blog the UN summit for them..
what a way to end the day...
scared shitless and ready to run.
feels good.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Redux, this was from a hot summer day last week. In this crappy cool day in September - it was well desired memory...kisses!

Friday, September 3, 2010

I like watching people...

i read many dating blogs. they always end...(skepticism) i like watching this girl..i wonder what will happen. Is my future running alongside hers? will we combust together..or worse combust alone...whats going to happen??? anyway, this is where she is today...


good times.
very good times
extremely good times
awesome times

made a new friend, maybe more
i am happy
very happy
will stay happy as long as i can

love... :)

did she say love????

Thursday, September 2, 2010 kinda hiphop dance....

it ain't much, but it's something...

May I overshare? I met someone. Ugh, the cliche is kil-lin me. So yeah, in jamaica, I clicked with this dark dude with a heart and a mind and beautiful hands (my thing...sue me).  Somebody is singing to me when I wake up and when I drift off to sleep with a frustrated smile on my face - ha, will I ever do anything the easy way? Never, nah nah sur. Hey you know cautious careful bex? I put her in a box and fedex'd her to storage. You think I'ma crash and burn?? Naw baby this is happening.

I gotta remember to eat boy likes it fluffy *wink.

I'm back (silence)

and already behind on the blog challenge go round...Blog Challenge...Part Deux =)

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was (skipped ??) :)
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Monday, August 9, 2010

Jamaica Travel Information and Travel Guide - Lonely Planet

"Today’s visitors will appreciate their trip to Jamaica all the more if they embrace the island’s unique character and the inherent ‘African-ness’ of its population. Aside from its people, Jamaica has much to offer, the curious, thirsty or weary traveller."

query: african-ness???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they're not even going to sneak the racism in? or was that sneaking....



me..scratch that..


Saturday, July 31, 2010

Poetry...I swear Welela made me get it finally...

I have this girl. A women. Well, two of 'em. There's Welela and there's Tasha. I never enjoyed poetry (much) and they live it. I used to listen to Tasha read her stuff and think...that's really beautiful but why don't you just say what you lube...just spit it out. A pretty lace mask for you to hide behind, that poem.
Walela lives poetry. Before I stayed in her space (and didn't want to leave) I didn't get it, in her cubby looking out on the eiffel tower she and Tasha clicked into place for me.

After so many years it wasn't until I was up at 515 in the morning looking at the sun begin to tickle the tower did I understand that sometimes things don't fit into essay form, sometimes pain goes outside the lines, and look at all the pretty scraps that you might have left behind.

I get that there is no long form to explain how it feels to sit on the train with so many arms, uncovered, and smells and erykah (timesawastin) and feel something that won't obey the periods and commas. It makes more sense to think of yourself, a movie short, in a whirlwind surrounded with people by yourself wondering if you're scared, loney or hungry.


Thursday, July 22, 2010


Currently giving birth to self. Will return with finished product.
ra/dictated but not read.

Friday, July 16, 2010

On Blackberries OR why my life might be boring....

This is what I think those people furiously typing on their blackberries at all times of the day are talking about...
This is a friday afternoon conversation...the reason why I pay an extra 30 bucks a month so that I can have email on my cellphone[obviously smh]:
articia to me
show details 3:07 PM (13 minutes ago)

Damn, I need an extreme make over!
Thinking abt. Doing something drastic, with my hair. Not sure what yet....
Action without study is fatal. Study without action is futile."
Rebekah A. to articia
3:13 PM (8 minutes ago)
from Rebekah A. <>
 3:13 PM (8 minutes ago)

 me too. probably a weave....i'ma die from the heat
live,laugh,love - sent from my google phone
articia to me
show details 3:17 PM (6 minutes ago)

Lol....I'm thinking of cutting hair and coloring it?.....
Action without study is fatal. Study without action is futile."
Rebekah A. to articia
show details 3:24 PM (0 minutes ago)

are we really having this conversation on email??? lol. drinks tonight!!!!
live,laugh,love - sent from my google phone
Happy weekend folks!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Why I love Solange Knowles...

 so normally I DO hate on the rich and famous because i'm not them. but i am not ashamed to admit that i have been loving myself some grown up soul sista Solange - talk about coming into her own....

09: obviously love the 'fro -- i should cut mine again...
08: loving the shoe game...she makes me want to go shopping..(student loans..focus on the big picture)
07: seriously...I have a meetings to go to and uhmm make things happen

I do plan on emulating the easy breezy lovelovelove yourself cuz your rich and beautiful....well beautiful anyway...

(off running to make it happen - captin'')

Also: mine!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Black women are (not) doing it up...

sigh. SIGH. Read this article....

You know when I say I'm a feminist in mixed company (especially on a date...when I want it to end early...) I usually get the negative or ignorant reaction. I'm used to it by now but inside I'm am complacently weary about the implications of the ignorance of the state of the black women.

The bubble gum colored wrapping of 'girl power'  has hidden the very real fact that, on a whole, black women are not making it.

I devour the blogging world and so many of the black blogs are dedicated to what is wrong with black men and why black women aren't getting them and lately I started to get pissed at how superficially people were treating the subject of the broken black family. It's harder for us, my cohort, to really understand (although many of our mothers were single mothers - we are not) because we are all a part of the 6% of the black community that has been educated within an inch our lives in some of the best schools in the country --  we have either been surrounded by stable families or we create them for ourselves so we don't fully live into this article....we don't have a full understanding of what the face of a lack of options, a lack of choice truly looks like. So we spend our days focused on the the tiny things, who is cooking, who let's a man be a man, does he order for you, when do you give 'it' up, etc. etc. Without a full understanding of the ways that our superficial discussions miss the true essence of the problem ravishing our communities.

Would you like some choice bits from the article?
Women of all races bring home less income and own fewer assets...than men...for single black women even in their prime working years their median wealth amounts to 5$.

[Wealth = cash in bank, stocks, bonds, etc - mortgage, cs's, student loans, etc]

Soooooooo despite the cute TV shows with us bopping around in our jimmy choos we're actually trying to raise children alone on a huge scale. 70% of black households are run by single women and it is killing our community. Its so far beyond black women and their mouths, black women and their unrealistic expectations for black men -- it's 4 out of 10 black families live in single parent households in Pittsburgh -- 1 in 3 live in poverty in my home of Philadelphia.

Black women have to bear the financial burden of raising children alone and most often while being employed in service occupations that don't provide adequate health care and no sick days etc.

So no partner to help build wealth + a inability to build a stable and secure financial future + poor health care + single parenthood = Gotta be a death wish.

As adiva mentioned in her post...the problem is that this type of lifestyle has become the norm in our communities, it feels normal, ordinary, common....but it's a death kneel to the coherency of our community and our ability to contribute to the the country as a whole. There is a line in  in the movie "Desert Flower" that says the last camel walks as quickly as the first. It is a Somali proverb that means to imply that the familiar sentiment that whatever happens to the people on the bottom will be felt by all those in the community, or we will be judged by the least of these, or injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere-- I could go on but you get my

I want to see a larger more active conversation about the affect that the prison industrial complex is having on our community, the way that the eurocentric sense of the lifting the individual hits our community in severely negative ways, the way that commercialism and gain for the self interacts with the prioritization of the individual; I want to talk about the way that sexism and classism combine to separate us from each other --  I want to see a conversation exploring the idea that the ghetto has never fully recovered from the crack epidemic in the 80's.....

This is beyond fault and just what is...why are we caught up on the superficialities?

I don't understand.

So I suppose that my long winded but heart felt plea is that folks finally see that this fight for the health and wealth of our community is a feminist fight. It's not about a bra burning, ball kicking attack on masculinity (well for some white feminist it may be - but I don't know any of them) -- it is about a profound understanding, a lived understanding, that the least of these (which somehow continues to be black women regardless of our ability to graduate at higher levels than males) will determine the quality of all of these. We, feminist, are fighting for the welfare of the community by lifting as we climb...get on board...or.... perish?

Folks who read the study and not the article...(embarrassed face....)

Monday, June 28, 2010

This gnat has a death wish....

(who knew gnat has a 'g' in it????)

seriously. the lights are on in the basement. there's a heavy water logged blackness outside and every bit and piece of bug is eyeing my comfy couch thinking they're rather be in here with me. this one gogetther managed to squeeze itself through one of the holes in the screen put there by a fluffy orange cat (angered by his captivity) intent on attacking the mangy cat gang outside -- only to find an invisible screen preventing his attempt to be the head pussy in charge of the back alley way of of the bergen street houses (what what!). i assumed that this bitch of a bug was going for the smooth brownness but as it glided through the slow lazy circles i was offended to realize that the dam bug is passing up on all this chocolately goodness and headed for the inside of the 'sterling silver rose' colored nail polish...


all that work and planning. to commit suicide? thoughtful. a well planned death. can't hate on 'em.

but  wait a minute.

when i realized what was happening i was morally bound to prevent this knat from takings its life...never mind that it would be in a manner that would also be inconvenient to muah -- seriously i can't contemplate using polish with gnat bits in it. so i gently blew him (giggle) gently on his way.

well (as my mom says) I'll be dammed...if that wasn't a clever fricking way to get past me without getting squashed -- i don't know what is...lovingly blown on ur way as opposed to squished against the wall...

genious frickin knat - genious....

Friday, June 4, 2010

Hunger Heat Humidity and Stevie.

but i don't wanna bore you with my troubles..but there's something about your love....

I'm sitting in office singing to songs in the key of life...taking it back... singing at the top (okay middle) of my lungs -- torturing noone cuz my office is empty. Everyone else was smarter than I. Come in early, free from the metaphysical plantation (cuz the real one was nothing close to this) abit ahead of the crowds. So me and Stevie are stuck here until 6pm to contemplate and reflect on the week...

Two days ago Adiva and I did something important -- quality time, advanced. We attended Starved for Attention: The Crisis of Childhood Malnutrition at the Times center moderated by Ann Curry. It was multimedia campaign put together by Doctors without Borders to expose the (devastating) effect of childhood malnutrition. The panel was made up of people who were photo journalists, MD's in West Africa, India, etc.

As always seen from above (football stadium view), in total, the problem seems insurmountable -- except it isn't...yeah uhm we could end the world...for 12 billion bucks. I much did we give the bankers? How much did we spent in Iraq? I'm not even arguing that America should do it alone(food insecurity and malnutrition is horrible in the states as well) but we certainly could kick in a billion or so to keep a billion people from starving to death tonight. There was one woman, a wood gatherer, who mentioned -- oh by the way, yeah I can now go for a week without eating so my children can eat. Seriously?

So have you ever wondered why come countries with the most poverty (India has 40% of all malnourished the world, and areas of Africa) would let their own people exist in such dire poverty and not do anything about it? Well someone (some brave person -- I mean think of the implications of the question) asked. We're seeing pictures. But we don't live with these do you live with them and do nothing? Why aren't gov't around the world, including the U.S.A, doing enough-- I mean, despite the neurotic republiteabagger rants about the role of government -- this is a clear winner no?

Well the genius that is one Mr. Biraj Patnaik responds -- Poverty, malnutrition, food scarcity is the norm for the poor. We are used to seeing it. Thus there is no imperative to make a serious commitment to changing these structures. Well now. Can't you smell the Truth of that statement? So simple, so deceptively simple. We're used to seeing the poor little starving babies in 3rd world countries. Hey, I'm even used to carting my organic fresh veggies into the ghetto because I know I won't find it there. So is that where social injustice lives (oh so comfortably), behind our complacency and excuses????

Another (last)point: Dr. Ismael Thiam remarked that the quality of life of the family is dependent on the improvement of the status of the women. In Africa, the economic sociocultural barrier impedes the development of the entire culture because women are not involved in signifigants ways. Sigh. I could give you an outline...

It was wonderful. It was inspriring. and I got a whole other paragraph for my personal statement. yah for me ;)

Ann C. -- She was really nice, walking around, asking folks what was their interest in the event and what organizaton they represented. She is really beautiful and walked the stage in her 4 inch spikes, an intellectual after my own heart -- look for it 2020!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Summer nights, jokes and therapy...


I haven’t been around, no? I have been taking deep breaths of honey suckle scented summer days and walking around my town until my once smooth and lotioned feet looked like they’d been dragged through the Sahara

- ‘ashy’

(pocket lotion, look into it).

I spent some nights smacking at big bugs (and always missing… where is that old man from karate kid when you need him?) while looking out over a lake and suffering through the fluffy brain numbing sequel that was SATC2. But more importantly, I’ve been spending quality time with my girls and learning about myself…fun times (can you smell the sarcasm?)

Lately we’ve been spending time sharing and comparing dates stories…well bad date stories – those are the best – did I tell you about the one with the Jamaican guy with the [huge] mole who hates educated black women because he feels like they sell out the movement to bring down the Europeans? No? Bookmark that one…

We were trying to figure out when does everyone think it’s the best or appropriate time for the first kiss and dam it if I’m not some sort of prude (by accident of course). Girls answer: When you feel it! Second date! First date no tongue! Guy answer: As soon as she lets you (uhm yeah, that wasn’t a surprise) – I was thinking really? I thought it was like the third date or something – LOL – whoops. I guess Jamaican guy was right…I’m a spark killer, (no buddy, your mole with the pores and the hair growing out of them was the spark killer…). So now I’m the girl who waits until she meets you’re mom before she kisses – thanks for the joke Jas. Now what crazy thing will I have to do to get rid of that reputation!?!! (wink)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ugly shit is beautiful....

I brought the ugliest sheets from Macys this afternoon.

My coworker near dam threw up (him a bastion of "I don't pay rent and thus have plenty of disposable funds" fashion plate) when I picked them up. For some strange reason there is something irresistible about something on sale...and the challenge of making something ugly beautiful -- if only through my rose colored glasses...

2010-04-28 22.31.40.jpg
'--roll dog with ugly sheets'

Think this penchant for the ugly is an allegory to kebs?

me thinks so...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday morning...afternoon...trying to get into treme', cuz when you miss a few episodes you've missed the wave (Lost -- wanted to get on it, missed it)...

I had a bright idea. I should introduce the kitties to the world -- even the hated furry one soon to be gone one.

pose ocho
2010-04-25 12.50.28.jpg

don't run sasha...
2010-04-25 12.51.15.jpg

where's Casey?

So I skip down the steps expecting him to have his fat furry...booty on my face pillow and I was smacked with the deep intoxicating oder of cat piss. See cats don't pee - the strength of the oder -- they P.I.S.S; lord save us all.
2010-04-25 12.53.21.jpg
This (piss stain)however is not humorous.
Back story?

My kitty has been urinating in my bed. Vet says its to show me that something is wrong. 600 bucks later -- you know it, something is wrong. (didn't we already know that?)

What is it Ms. Vet? Uhm, all these tests and *gasp I don't know.

Suggestion: 400 bucks worth of xrays to check out his kidney(s).

Hey, I'm in social services moms reminds me. Sweety you can't afford this, its time to let him go. My roll dog, my partner in crime, my sleep mate, my cuddle buddy, my BFF who never betrays me, my furry annoying loving eat sleep shit mate??? Let go? Naw, nope, not, never going to do it...
2010-04-25 14.28.11.jpg

Monday, March 29, 2010

On Beauty....

My thoughts continue to be stunted by the lack on sunlight in my environment. My tiny melanin rich skin cells are starved of vitamin d like those kids locked in the attic by their grand mom -- What was it?? Flowers in the attic?? Can someone tell me why we were reading such a traumatic book in fifth were they described? Four beautiful orphan children, tall, willowy and very very pale. Hmm, I bet if I were to reread those books I would get some specific sense of beauty and it would not look like me - read: the early hidden inculcation of proper beauty.

Where is this coming from right? My soul! (Joking but serious). Confrontation with my own wavering, sensitive and delicate self-esteem? (willowy and frail in a sense) Very likely.

But also this article I read about interracial marriage - they had this wonderfully 'objective' chart that described who married whom and at what rate. It makes sense, most 'races' - or more accurately cultures and skin colors - married themselves and then, in ranking order, asian, indian, and finally black. Okay I thought - I've been black and not Kerry Washington (thanks John Mayer and by thanks I mean FdotUdot) and so I get that black features etc. are the least desired. I was expecting that result and my shield was up and ready -- but then I spied with my, well, rather huge eyes a tiny innocuous line that read something like "Black women bear the brunt of white men's dislike" -- okay, maybe it wasn't innocuous. How (not) surprising! Really? White men dislike how we look the most? We're kinda told that everytime we ... dam near awaken. Was that a positive injection to the tall willowy self-esteem? No, but I ignored it.

What else happened you ask?

Well, let me tell you. This is another episode in the "This shit only happens to me" show - starring me every single sunless rainy day. A friend of mine and I went out this weekend, hanging out against our better judgement, invited by a very well to do and generally friendly guy friend of ours. Did I stuff enough information into that sentence? Apologies... I'm always rushing to the end (bookmark that for later).

Anyway -

We show and have a good time. He (well to do) is refilling the drinks with the (as he mentioned) no limit Amex and therefore folks get a bit ... friendly a.k.a 'filterless'. I did not mention that my girlfriend is a stunner - even john mayer would go for it - seriously. Tiny waist, light skin (I'm coming back to it just hold your breath!!!), hips and this long thick wavy midnight black hair. Soooo we are having a break from the revelry (I suspect they had entered the "what song is that phase of the night - aka "get another drink and let the 'feets' rest" set) and my friend inappropriately reaches over to my girl, sticks his hands into her hair and says "see kebs, I can get my hands through her hair...."


Well, now the cool thing to do would be to come back with some snappy comment about his appearance or penis size (I said it) or something of that vein - then everyone could have an uncomfortable chuckle, happy that I have defended myself and stood up for the beauty of blackness and counteracted the internal pain of white supremacy that would make a proud black man say that in jest to a dark skinned natural sister. The sucky thing is that my friend loves me (?)( mark book mark!!) and yet deeeeeep down still struggles with accepting the shape and color of black beauty.

How did I respond?

Too tired for clever quips. I simply said, "You know what friend? Many people find the way I look to be quite beautiful." Nothing like a sober comment to ..well sober up the moment!

But Ug. I'm tired. I'm tired of stealthy being told in so many creative ways (go ask some black women - any woman- [read:patriarchy/omnipotent] I don't have time to explain it to you) that my version of blackness (not kerry washington) is not beautiful. It takes alot of work to remind yourself [because few (not none)] will do it for you and they don't buy billboards on houston street, commercials on bravo, or ads in vogue -- so that leaves little 'ole me and my band of darkies always reminding ourselves -- yes sweety, you are beautiful...kinky, knotty, short black hair and all.

Please remove your foot from my neck. Thanks. kebs.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I'm not famous but...

I made it onto someone else's blog - Check it out. It took three phone calls to get that outfit right! Dressing as a non-clergy person in a clergy position is a hard thing to do...still got that neckline wrong - sigh.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Reprinted with permission....

I was going to post, Hello March! but I'm not going to.
I then going to post, Look at my fly ass boots! but I'm not going to be able to.
I am also not going to get philosophical and explain why what I'm going to post touched me because it didn't (Many many walls activated). I'm also not going to talk about the courageousness of one of my students because it is probably evident. But I suspect that this flyer was put in my hands at this moment for a reason - I'm just going to share it with you like she asked me to.

Newsletter of the Day

"Young teens that are selling their body females - males. The system
knows what's going on and they don't want to help. I've been to courthouses even
tried to get a 'pins' warrant on her to help but no luck. I also called ACS on
myself for help but again no luck. So now I feel that I have to take this into
my own hands and try to stop this. My Lord, please give me the faith to
strand strong and firm as I walk thru with your blood. Give me the
strength to go on this journey.

Ladies and gentle men there are things that I would like to share with you
about what is going on in the world, all over the world that I'm trying to put a
stop to. I feel the more I reach out, the more I can get help. There's something
I've been going thru. My teenage daughter is a runaway and she is also selling
her body. Mother, sisters, fathers, uncles and aunts there are pimps around
these kids schools that are pimping out these young teens. Not only the females
also the males!! Keep an eye on your teens, please check their rooms, their books
and things that you may not expect. Keep them off of the Internet unless you
check what they are doing at all times.

I never thought my child was prostituting and it hurt me to my stomach to
find out what she is doing. I'm not here for your sympathy. I'm not embarrassed
by what I'm telling you all because it is not only helping my child, I think it will
help to benefit your child 2. I would like to help all the young teens here and
all over. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to whisper and stare. If you
feel that you would like to speak to me, you are more than welcome. I feel this
should be a time that we all as people need to come together and help out young
teenagers who are in digress and are going through the same situations. I feel
that we need to start now. If anyone has anything to share that would help
me please do not hesitate to come forward and talk to me."

Friday, February 19, 2010

Todays theme...Non, je ne regrette rien

This post should most likely be a twitter or gchat post because of the simplicity. However, there is something permanent about this theme that I want to capture.

The c: drive in my head has logged countless hours regretting gobs of crap. You mostly know them, they're mundane and esoteric and yes I will waste your time remarking on them


never mind I bored myself and erased them.

Anyhoo -- the big regrets, like not getting perfect 4.0 GPA in school (any school) when I had the potential to do so, or getting a masters for the hell of it and now having massive loans to repay instead of buying pretty shoes, or uhm certain boyfriends, or blue suede kneeboots - it's like roll call for me, depending on my mood I have a whole que prepared for deep stormy introspective days lends themselves to regretting not being more commited to social justice work and light spring days bring up the regret of not being skinnier or dressed funkier and not having enough money and not working hard enough at school to have more money and...well you see where this is going....yes?

But today, as I sat at my desk, regretting that I wasn't completing more work my eyes got a little rinsing and I saw that flip side of all of my regrets. I thought, dam it, just live your life. Stop thinking that life is a mirror that shouldn't have any smudges on it. No, I didn't study [or as rice would say -- put my seat in a seat] - I hung out with friends and now have a great community of cool folks to draw from - I watched hours international films and discovered a love of international cultures, etc etc...

All I'm saying is that on the other side of the truth/regret was always some great big smudge that I had a blast smearing on. I lived my frickin life and thats what we're supposed to do. In fact, I'm going out tonight and planning a big butt print of a smudge and I'm going to enjoy doing it.

No regrets, not anymore.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Mutha F*ckinh J-fuckin-ohn Mayer

I'm not actually going to say anything.
Okay one thing. I bet this was why Chapelle lost it. Isn't he the one who gave the dam hood past on Chapelle show?

MAYER: …I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me. [Emphasis mine]

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Grammar - one of my weaknesses, my fears.

I swear correct grammar has been the bane of my existence, the cause of my mediocrity; I may be succumbing to the dramatic possibly but the emotional tie is no less real. I never understood what those little red circles and slashes meant. Their only point -- to make me feel horrible and utterly unable to communicated a coherent idea...

Well, I triumphed today. In a year that has been filled with self-doubt, self- revelation, self- just ugh a bright spot appeared...

I read the Time's grammar blog and was able to spot and correct the commonly made mistake. A common occurrence for you - a magnificent moment of self-awareness for me!!

Andrew Clark, a geneticist who works on the Y chromosome at Cornell University, said the Y’s fast turnover of DNA could effect the activity of genes throughout the genome, because just such an effect has been detected in laboratory fruit flies.

cool right?
it's the small things, let me have a moment :)


and how quickly do those moments of triumph last? but moments my dear. moments.

Can someone tell me what *ell this sentences means????
Researchers at the University of Aberdeen found that when people were asked to engage in a bit of mental time travel, and to recall past events or imagine future ones, participants’ bodies subliminally acted out the metaphors embedded in how we commonly conceptualized the flow of time.

What metaphor is embedded in how we conceptualized the flow of time? WHAT......???? Ugh - going to lunch.

** out to lunch **