This post should most likely be a twitter or gchat post because of the simplicity. However, there is something permanent about this theme that I want to capture.
The c: drive in my head has logged countless hours regretting gobs of crap. You mostly know them, they're mundane and esoteric and yes I will waste your time remarking on them
never mind I bored myself and erased them.
Anyhoo -- the big regrets, like not getting perfect 4.0 GPA in school (any school) when I had the potential to do so, or getting a masters for the hell of it and now having massive loans to repay instead of buying pretty shoes, or uhm certain boyfriends, or blue suede kneeboots - it's like roll call for me, depending on my mood I have a whole que prepared for it...so deep stormy introspective days lends themselves to regretting not being more commited to social justice work and light spring days bring up the regret of not being skinnier or dressed funkier and not having enough money and not working hard enough at school to have more money and...well you see where this is going....yes?
But today, as I sat at my desk, regretting that I wasn't completing more work my eyes got a little rinsing and I saw that flip side of all of my regrets. I thought, dam it, just live your life. Stop thinking that life is a mirror that shouldn't have any smudges on it. No, I didn't study [or as rice would say -- put my seat in a seat] - I hung out with friends and now have a great community of cool folks to draw from - I watched hours international films and discovered a love of international cultures, etc etc...
All I'm saying is that on the other side of the truth/regret was always some great big smudge that I had a blast smearing on. I lived my frickin life and thats what we're supposed to do. In fact, I'm going out tonight and planning a big butt print of a smudge and I'm going to enjoy doing it.
No regrets, not anymore.