Yesterday morning I was razor focused on getting my honors, finding a professor who would mentor me, and dealing with my queer anxiety and it's random daily expressions in my days.
Last night, I only had three separate dreams about going into anaphalactic shock and having my breathing pathways shut down. Yep, I took my girlfriends emergency and projected my brand new legitamate fears onto them in my dream. The sad thing is that every time I couldn't breathe, I remember being all alone and trying to stuff my fingers up my nose...obviously that wasn't going to work. So as I dropped to my knees for lack of oxygen I would wake up, fall asleep, dream, drown, wake up and again...lovely.
The anger and hostility has yet to abate and I already feel it looking for a target in my school administrators and conversely affecting my desire to do well and succeed. This will be the third time I have entered one of these institutions only later to feel betrayed in someway or another. The beau is coming over tonight so maybe I will be able to sleep through the night....
I still can't believe the changes that 24 hours can make.