Thursday, May 5, 2011

What I'd do to keep my man...

I just got finished reading the comments of the Black.Bougie Blog. Funtimes. In the comments of one post, one of the women stated that her husband told her he wouldn't leave her if she 1. Got a weave 2. Wore more makeup 3. Lost twenty pounds *sideeye...

I have been privy to male family members who have made the same demands of their wives, even though they themselves didn't fit the requirements they were demanding. Shaking my head. As shocking as this may seem, as I have mentioned before, some of it it is the perception of a rare commodity in finding a black man in America who wants to be married. Mark my words, I said 'perception' - all good women know that behind the sequins and big booties, a good woman is harder to find than a vintage Chanel bag at goodwillnyc!

Anyhoo -- after setting my inner feminist aside I realized that I would considered giving into these demands (in theory).  Obviously this man is selfish and superficial - but one likes what one likes. I, however, fully refuse to engage in such tortures by myself. I'm supposed to just deliver this magnificent change to you like a present?

I think not.

So say a nice cheery Saturday morning, we grab his Amex and head out on our first stop...What was that? Ahh yes the weave. I have seen this thing done and lord help you - it's like wearing a fuzzy hat that you can't take all that heat?! The hair that we bought for my girls totaled around 470 or so. Then we would send the next 6 hours in the hair dresser, ending with the privilege of paying her 550$ for the service.

1200$ (Including tip)
-6 Hours

Whats next? Right make up...clearly we are going to MAC, Bergdorf would be better- but alas. We will need  day make up and night makeup...

500$ Makeover
-1 Hour

And lastly, we shall take a trip over to the gym. Mid price? NYSC. I prefer Reebok club or Equinox but let's be fair - I can deal with NYSC. We both need memberships since we will be working out together. Yup - I'm not getting sexy on my own and a six pack is never a bad thing :)

20 Pack personal training sessions
Monthly Membership
150 for two people

Never mind the misogyny of believing that it is your place to demand changes on your partner, never mind the superficial short sightedness that would allow you break up your long term marriage based on physical appearance, never mind presenting that demand as a threat - - do you have the longevity to make it though your request? I think not. Because I'm making you come to EVERY appointment - you will suffer for your choices right along with me. Ha. Give that Credit Card a work out because I'm not paying for a PENNY of it. Trust.

Just ridiculous. I can't.

See obviously that's my passive aggresive side coming out but the privelege and audacity and ignorance is just too much for me to bear. I can't belive that that man would want to deal with the time and energy it takes for little requests he just wants the benefit - selfish. He's leaving anyway (who else would come up with such a stupid ultimatum) but one should have fun while he's still there.

That's how you fry a fish two ways ladies.

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